I posted on here for the first time in 2012 when I had already been supporting my boyfriend for about a year. i am newly married and just found out im pregnant for the first time in my life. Good luck with that. I wish that he recognized that I am constantly trying to support him, walking on eggshells all the time, and even doing all the things on that honey-do list myself, because even going to a busy grocery store or waiting in line at a restaurant can set him off at this point. It goes way beyond loosing unemployment. Hes sick of hearing about how hard it is for me; I know its hard for him too.its just that im the one who has to head out u work every day, in a front line job, dealing with the public, whist falling apart on the inside. I am SO glad I stumbled upon this page today. I feel so bad as my parents are paying for the majority of our wedding and they see that I am currently paying for everything else, and I fear that they then disapprove of him. Hes coming back tomorrow. For one, is our partner willing to change and adapt to new realities? You would think their skills and experience in sales, marketing, customer service etc. I am trying to support us with two part-time jobs, but I dont get health insurance through work. He was always angry to be there and always had a nasty scowl on his face treating the job like it was demotion compared to what he had done previously. Please get out while you still can. This has lasted way longer than we ever anticipated that it would and quite frankly there are days where I just see no light at the end of the tunnel. He also has an anxiety disorder that was made so much worse by the pandemic. Praying were not all just casualties of the recession forever. Do you want your sons to become this type of man? I also found your posts very interesting. I did some online dating for a week and then later found a wonderful, GIVING man who had his stuff together: steady job, willingness to do what it takes to get things done, and GRIT. Ive never read it but I will. Permanent marker your line in the sand. At least youre making an effort! Yes that is very true now days it takes two paychecks. if you reversed the situation you know without a doubt your man would NOT stick by you for years and wait for your sorry butt to get employed. My (25f) husband (24f) doesn't do anything at home. I dont want to be married and have a family wit this kind of person :( but I still love himcan somebody tell me what to do ? Obviously nothing too extreme, but I dont even have that. I glad that I found this site. She is probably a narcissist and feels housework is "demeaning" to her but it isn't to you. My problem is I have a you g child with my partner and i do not know where I would live or what work I would find, and how I could support me & my child. It was also found by the study that increases in the husband's market work hours and increases in the wife's household work hours had negative effects on the probability of divorce. Im tired of being the sole breadwinner. There is a difference between a person being unemployed and genuinely seeking employment and a person who has the character where they are willing to financially abuse another. Dont do what some of us have done by making excuses and feeling sorry for him, hoping things will change. On top of that i dont have anyone who can watch him nor can i afford a daycare for him to go to. Consider that you and your BF only 2 years all together, this is quite a lot. You need to leave him if he does not get a job. Hes not laying around on the sofa, but all of his job search efforts have brought very little money into the house. Hang in there. The business has grown a lot in the past few years and is highly successful, which I am grateful for. For as long as you have to deal with the unemployment monster, I hope that you give yourself space and time to find ways to take care of yourself. He created a spreadsheet to track every cent we spend, and exactly how much we have at any given time. Life isnt fair? But some days I panic at the thought of facing up to work feeling like a mess. I have debt coming out of my ears from trying to keep up and supporting my family from one salary income. It started in 1989 just after I married . Find happiness and peace in yourself, save yourself. Depending on where you live, it might not be that expensive. Here we are in August 2015 and my hubby can not find a job! I think what if something were to happen to me? My live-in boyfriend has been unemployed for two years, so I totally understand where many of you are coming from. 17 What one hates, the other may be able to tolerate. This man brings some happiness and reliefe in my life, i know its artificial but for those moments, i feel better, i laugh, i smile and I dont have to pay the bill for our lunch and drinks or the petrol/gas in his comfortable mercedes benz (car). Your stories seems different from the partners these women complained. There a are about 10 unfinished construction projects at my house .. All torn apart and never finished. Here are ways to cope with an unemployed husband. I dont know how to say this nicelybut your husband sounds like a total asshole. I mean none. How do I show support and encouragement to my boyfriend without him resenting me in the end? He got TEFL certified and is looking for jobs in South Korea and I am working on my certification but its so hard to do my coursework when I have a full time job. In many cases, this person has gone all the way through the interviewing/hiring process before determining that the job was a bad fit and deciding not to take it. Obviously no financial support.and I am now questioning whether he is able to provide for me long term financially and emotionally. All our savings- gone. Im crumbling : (. So I made the very bold journey to the UK and stayed in a bedsit to see if I was employable here. how sad that women have allowed themselves to be pushed so hard against a wall like this. Over the last 2 years we have lived here he has had various jobs. Threatening him does nothing. i REALLY needed to hear them right now. He was unaware she had been judgmental. How to cope with an unemployed husband? Problem-Solve. CMCit sounds like your husband and a few of the others on here are trying very hard without much luck. He takes out the trash maybe once a week, but that's it. So he gets the credential (after his hard work much to his credit)and he is surprised that the sky doesnt just open with raindrops of jobs. I wish you well. ..my partner of two years has been looking for work the whole time, as reunited after 20 years of being a part. Like every woman on this thread, I am tired of carrying the financial burden of what feels like a 2nd child. Whatever you do, dont nag. Ive worked too hard, stressed out too much and given up too much, for her to just give up! Hes even said this is it .. Husband last his job 5-6 years ago and Ive been the breadwinner. And all this is hidden from his family who cares for him deeply. So I say ladies we are being used and in our relationships we have discovered when the chips are down our partners prefer to stay down and watch us haul the baggage. Though he is kind, caring, and considerate, he lacked the necessary survival skills. Be found at the exact moment they are searching. Some days I just want to pack him up and move him out. I also do all the housework. I always paid for every activity we did and eventually he became depressed living with his parents so he moved into my apartment. He will not own his failure, learn from it and move on. The analyses were based on 12,183 couples from the . I hope there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We only have one car, and theres no public transportation where I live, and my husband needs the car to try to get work and to transport his son, so I can only attempt at working from home, which I have been trying with no luck. Its pretty much ramen noodles and Mac n cheese; No group effort needed, even if our small kitchen could fit two cooks in it. My sister in law said to my husband in front of me why dont you send the little woman out to work I find this comment so rude and hurtful. He gets angry at ME for asking him how his job hunting is goingYou guysit has been FIVE ! Her husband described these phone calls as "very, very positive". My sister refused to ask him details (big mistake! I make him feel bad with the slightest provocation an eye ball roll, a tone of voice change. There is no way I can retire and maintain her health coverage and lifestyle. But he has to understand; Im drowning here. I really believe that he does not like his job status but his actions convey a completely different message to me and I just dont know if our relationship will survive what I have witnessed. I just want some of the burden of bill paying and eating and daily living to be shared with the other half of the relationship bearer. Staying in rented apartment. He refused to even consider returning to school .. Im too old .. I dont mind work Ive worked since I was 17 but this resentment of him not working or doing anything at home and saying he is tired is like a broken record that I want to break sometimes I feel like i am just with him cause of our son other days I love him . I dont want to go back to that world before. If I ask him, he won't do . But in govt sector i have little hope. Its now April 2014 and she hasnt found work since then. So he has started smoking weed to cope. However, I made a vow. On top of that he pays ZERO bills in MY house, and I say my house because his name isnt on anything. i have read many of these comments. He just worries about his stuff losing his man cave and packing up his collections and criticizes what I have managed to get done. He expects me to cook him a full meal when he does get up and expects me to jump on him for sex every day. Constantly reassuring him. One important step in that process is to get a clear picture of what . He keeps saying hes looking for jobs but we share an email account and there is no email trail and every time he goes on an interview (I get a call from my contacts saying he blew it). We dont have any children together but I have three from a 10 year hell. How to Get Your Adult Children Living at Home to Work (and Eventually And I lost count of how many times someone was scolded for blowing/passing up an incredible opportunity. When in reality that so called opportunity was little more than a scam or wasnt all it was cracked up to be. You're not respected because clearly nobody wants you on the [job] market. We are lucky that we have an income from renting out a flat, however that was meant to be savings to be able to buy a house and for our wedding but it disappears each month along with my whole salary. Ive been unemployed since February last year I had a permanent job I was only at two weeks then let go due to business issues.I also worked for handy but they were awful to work for.Dispute my background and experience I find it hard to obtain even the low end jobs.The state of this job market in and around London is ridiculous.Ive completely restructured my cv and seen to be getting more response.I lived in north London last year now settle in barking and struggling to obtain local work as their taken by the over run culture.I am originally from Surrey and cant wait to move back.We only moved here to get on property ladder and it was close to his office which closed later last year now he works from home.My boyfriend has been more then supportive through my ordeal and all though its important for your partner to look after themselves it is vital for both in order to sustain the relationship or marriage. Descubr lo que tu empresa podra llegar a alcanzar. Try any or all of these ideas, and keep adding to these lists. Thanks for listening. When Your Husband Doesn't Help With Anything, Do This - A Conscious Rethink But I realize this has not been healthy for me or the marriage. Yes, we are talking about it and we both know we want it, but there is no firm plan. My husband was either under employed or un employed by choice most of our 25 years together. In recent years, the pinnacle of motorsports has gained an unlikely audience of new enthusiasts. We had a good amount leftover, so we agreed it would NOT be touched, just sit and gain interest weve been married just over two years, so a nest egg for a house or a kid was a blessing. She said she couldnt afford to lose her paycheck. Some of the best . Husband off work for 14 years, two kids later..still no job. For example, if you search for men and housework, this is what you get. I cant do this much longer! I have and its worse now than it was then. Like hes my kid and Im trying to raise him. Hes managed to keep our credit card balances relatively low with our budget so we dont have to use them unless absolutely necessary (car repair, etc). now that all sounds easy but we both know we end up going toe to toe with the other person. We have no kids because my husband is infertile. I was good student in school but after that due to my hearing problems i was unable to make a good out put in my 10th and 12th i found many difficulties in my path i have never given up. In fact if they really want to find a entry level job, they dont need to list their high education background to give the employer excuse to refuse them. The stress of it though has taken its toll on me. If a woman decide to have baby, useful she will be have a lot of consideration to her baby before doing anything. Work together on problem-solving. Its been 5 months and I have applied to everything! It is just like a dead knot. Ive done the supportive routine. Hope youre situation has improved. There are so many of us out there crying for help and relief. He did buy me very decent Christmas gifts with his money. Go ahead, sit on the sidelines snd advise us to kick him to the curb. Maybe apply online to a few job postings once in awhile. So glad i found this forum. Participate in life, or make everyones life easier and get out. I met him four years ago at which time he said he was starting to look for work after a year vacation and selling assets (toys) to avoid dipping into his 200k retirement. I just wonder how it will l end. My partner has always suffered with mild depression and having lost several jobs due to temper/mood swings, he has been unable to secure proper employment for 4 whole years. In the last 3 weeks he has gone totally downhill. Never money do anything special. Even writing this feels like a betrayal of my husband, but like S, Im hoping that it will be cathartic and helpful for me, so here goes. That means he is about to be evicted or setting you up to pay his bills. Everyday she went to work in the morning, took off by lunchtime, went to the hospital, received her daily dose of radiotherapy, went home, slept it off at home in the afternoon. You are ASKING to remain abused in this way if you stay with him.beyond ridiculous on your part. He has not applied for a single one since learning I am pregnant. Youll question them for a while how can they be such idiots and not see the value I can bring? But shortly and especially if this happens more than once youll start to question yourself. Throughout these 6 years i have been jobless for maybe a total of 4 months. I dont like myself much these days. Everytime we fight, he avoids taking responsibility for his part in pretty much everything, deflects things onto me to take the focus off him and blames me for his retirement being depleted (he hasnt given me a dime nor spent any of it on supporting me). I am left to think this whole 15 years was a big fat waste and now shes got me to do all her dirty work. talented musician and artist as well. You should be running an advice column. Only later I found out the reason, my future brother -in-law was lazy, inconsistent, did not work hard enough and was not contributing toward the business. I think the thing that keeps me holding on is the fact that my husband cooks, cleans, and takes care of his own kids. The grand result of these all? When i bring up debt he blames me even though the $6000 i am once again in debt isnt because i bought frivalous things. Now When I am working long full time, I still have to doing most of the house work !!! My bet? Or doing whatever chores you want done. And if you dont feel pressured to do it, is this stuff really all that important? reading this really brings me down to know how much us breadwinners suffer but yet therapeutic especially when I laugh my azz off as read Sams first-liner. i am hurt stressed and angry. Even if we love someone we have to love ourselves and do what is best for the family as a whole not just one individual. I do not respect him at all but I do love him. Keep on going to church and keep up social responsibilities amid the week. Hi my boyfriend receives unemployment and doesnt help me with any bills or our sons cost of food diapers etc he does nothing and will not leave because hes on the lease is there any way I can call unemployment and get them to drug test him or something so he could loose it and finally have a reason to evict him he claims he helps with the checks but he really doesnt if he wasnt making anything I can prove hes lying. Now I work two part-time jobs. Hi I am Mrs Y too, yet I am not the wife I am the girlfriend. Anyhow I hope you find a right person soon. He had a job, but no car and lived with a friend. hang in there! I turn to drink at times and thats when we have awful screaming fights born of massive frustration and unhappiness.